Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm dedicating this status update to all the statusless people out there. Stay strong.

   Hurricane Watch for south Texas, blame it on George W. Bush....

   I swear the vending machine starts talking to me when I'm on a diet. @Squishy_Penguin

   Run little rabbit! Run!

   thinks its quite funny that my mate with Attention Deficit Disorder drives a Focus.....

   You guys seriously f**k to Justin Beiber? That's sad.

   It's so hot outside! I just saw a squirrel fanning his nuts.

   Type 2204355 and hit I'm feeling lucky in google... worth it

   made in heaven

   You are A-Attractive, B-Beautiful, C-Charming, D-Dear to me, E-Exciting, F-Funny, G-Godsent...H-Hehehe, I-Im, J-Just, K-Kidding...

   always feels so weird after having hot dreams about my friends. I find it hard to look them in the eye for the few days after.

   Don't tell God how big your problems are, tell your problems how big your God is.

   Africans finally have the chance to tell the English to go back to their own country!

   It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Hey, hey!!!- Wait, nope it's just raining.....figures!

   trying to develop a life off of facebook.....as you can see, its not working.....

   Spongebob is no longer living in his pineapple under the sea. He's kicking it in my tub. It's gonna take a while to get the oil off he says.

   A friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the body.

   you wouldn't happen to have your missing DVD player's remote... would you?

   repairing his/her wall. Thanks Kool Aid Man.

   a good friend will bail you out of jail, a best friend will be in there with you and a sister will stand outside the cell laughing at you