Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Don't tell God how big your problems are, tell your problems how big your God is.

   Africans finally have the chance to tell the English to go back to their own country!

   It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Hey, hey!!!- Wait, nope it's just raining.....figures!

   trying to develop a life off of facebook.....as you can see, its not working.....

   Spongebob is no longer living in his pineapple under the sea. He's kicking it in my tub. It's gonna take a while to get the oil off he says.

   A friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the body.

   you wouldn't happen to have your missing DVD player's remote... would you?

   repairing his/her wall. Thanks Kool Aid Man.

   a good friend will bail you out of jail, a best friend will be in there with you and a sister will stand outside the cell laughing at you

   No Budweisor I have not been drinking any officers tonight

   ⎝⏠⏝⏠⎠

   Go Go Gadget status!

   Why put G20 in heaviest populated city in Canada? It's not like we don't have room anywhere else in the second largest country in the world....

   a firm believer that drinking beer makes you you smarter...I mean, it did make Bud weiser!!

   Whats that Mr. Churchill; you say the germans are picking on your nation again, and you want need some help.

   Sometimes in order to see the light, you must blind yourself to bullsh*t

   A smile is a sign of joy. A hug is a sign of love. A laugh is a sign of happiness. And a friend like me…Sh*t, that's just a sign of good taste!!

   Opportunity knocks but once... if Opportunity knocks twice...Opportunity walks in and steals your TV set

   They say "don't drink and drive" but yesterday I was drinking a juice box while on my tricycle. It made me feel dangerous!

   Of all great losses in life, Time is the most irrecoverable. It can never be redeemed.