Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort: Recent | Oldest | Rating

Search Messages:

5872

Page: 5872 of 6442

There's always a little truth behind every "just kidding", a little knowledge behind every "I don't know", a little emotion behind every "I don't care", and a little pain behind every "It's okay"!

←Rate | 07-04-2010 23:45 by BEGO Comments (0)

Don't buy condoms at BP gas stations, they may burst and result in a leak...

←Rate | 07-04-2010 23:39 by sean Comments (0)

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

←Rate | 07-04-2010 23:10 Comments (0)

washing my car, the birds need a clean place to use the bathroom.

←Rate | 07-04-2010 23:04 Comments (0)

Where would one apply to be a boob critic? I think I would do well at this.

←Rate | 07-04-2010 22:55 by Mscot63 Comments (0)

9 out of 10 Canadians believe that out of 10 people, 1 Canadian will always disagree with the other 9

←Rate | 07-04-2010 22:41 Comments (0)

like a bra, she gives me support and is close to my heart

←Rate | 07-04-2010 22:03 by sophie Comments (0)

I have just finished my thesis: "Pyrotechnics Lead to prosthetics". Keep all your digits safe! Happy 4th!!

←Rate | 07-04-2010 21:58 by eaglet1122 Comments (1)

a ninja NO YOU ARE NOT! you saw that?? SAW WHAT? exactly...

←Rate | 07-04-2010 20:47 Comments (0)

will stop drinking when captain morgan puts his foot down.

←Rate | 07-04-2010 19:22 by Carla Comments (0)

saw a police vehicle with a broken tail light. Can another police officer pull him over to give him a ticket?

←Rate | 07-04-2010 18:39 by cutealicious305 Comments (0)

Feel bad for eating sushi at my desk in front of my goldfish.

←Rate | 07-04-2010 18:32 by @seddy90 Comments (0)

If porn was truly free, I'd save a lot of time on google.

←Rate | 07-04-2010 18:08 Comments (0)

best all time combos...peanut butter and jelly, ham and cheese, batman and robin...ALCOHOL AND FIREWORKS!

←Rate | 07-04-2010 18:06 Comments (0)

Today marks a historic date of our country. Happy 4th of July to everyone. The day Will Smith saved us from Aliens.

←Rate | 07-04-2010 17:58 by Adrian Comments (0)

Happy birthday USA! On a side note thanks to President Whitmore, Captain Steven Hiller, David Levinson and Mr. Russell Casse for saving us from aliens in 1996!

←Rate | 07-04-2010 17:49 by Nitsua Comments (0)

can't wait to see who's all going to be single on my facebook after the 4th of July!"

←Rate | 07-04-2010 17:23 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)

The eternal struggle: Tops of feet are sunburnt. Lighter is dead. Corner store is two blocks away. They have a sign: no shirt no shoes no service. I don't own flip flops. This is going to suck balls.

←Rate | 07-04-2010 16:16 Comments (0)

enjoying the peace and quiet... the voices in my head aren't speaking to me at the moment!

←Rate | 07-04-2010 15:14 Comments (0)

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

←Rate | 07-04-2010 14:54 by lemonpillow Comments (1)