Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Home is where I want to be. The only place that feels like me. World outside just melts away. Relax unwind wrap up the day. Where I spend the night and start the day.

   Next time you pull up to a BP station, say, "I'll have whatever the pelicans are having."

   Say what you will about BP, they sure discovered a lot of freaking oil down there.

   Vuvuzelas are high-pitched, annoying and everywhere: the Justin Bieber of sports.

   Water in the Gulf of Mexico is now worth $75 a barrel.

   If aliens came to Earth to prevent us from destroying the planet, they'd be like, "Oops, too late."

   I started playing the new Facebook game, Oilville, but now I can't make it stop.

   Once you've resolved to stop Googling yourself, the Internet really doesn't have much to offer.

   BP announced today that the oil in the Gulf needs to be changed every six months

   Fireworks Safety: Do not set off fireworks near children, pets, or the Gulf of Mexico.

   sometimes picture you drowning then they laugh so hard then the people they hang out with thinks they're crazy

   wondering why after sweating on a hot day; a hot shower feels good?

   I might not see you all the time but your always on my mind!!

   siting at her comp and staring at the screen waitting for you to talk to her

   If beer came in 7 packs, it would be easier to calculate your needs week to week.

   Nothing will cure your baseball game hunger for a hotdog than a fat guy sitting in front of you with a 5 inch butt crack staring at you.

   I wish my past could be my future

   Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, b*tches"

   Sex is like Pizza... even when it's bad it's still pretty good.

   Set a goal so big that if you achieved it, it would blow your mind