Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's just another Maniac Monday, wish it was Sunday 'cause that's my fun day!

   I am the luckiest person in the world. Everyday I get a mail from Yahoo & MSN that I have won a lottery...

   wondering if I'll ever be mature enough to stop laughing at the word "duty".

   Sleeping is putting a restraining order against me, I have to pay for my dreams support.

   Scientists at Lake Tahoe are fighting off a clam invasion.. Or to use scientific terms, "Lilith Fair"

   There's nothing wrong with having sex with the light on. Just make sure the car door is closed.

   that Bud Light Lime has less calories, carbs & fat than 2% Milk...it's not looking good for milk right now.

   My guinea pigs are smarter than you! :P

   A good friend is like a computer. He ENTERS your life, SAVES you in his heart, FORMATS your problem, and never DELETES you from his MEMORY

   wondering, Just how do I get in contact with Paul the octopus during football season?

   cellphones always killin the mood. chick texted "your ducking sexy".. sigh. so I responded "your spelling makes me think your on quack"

   It is now legal to carry concealed weapons in church in Louisiana. I'm thinking that confession just got a LOT more interesting.

   ‎is So,.. Just in case all Hell does freeze over, What's your Number?"

   congrats to spain for winning the Triwizard Cup or whatever...

   That's not a bald spot on top of my head! It's a solar panel for my love machine ;-)

   711 stores are the real version of the Kwik-E-Mart from the Simpsons...true story, I saw Apu working just this morning.

   I have a chef and a dentist here. You realize what this means right? We can finally clear up the confusion over the origin of tartar sauce!

   The Netherlands known for "total footbal" more like "brutal football"!

   likes how YouTube has gone from a video watching site to a music listing site.

   Paul the Octopus just got hired by the CIA ...