Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The Nigerian goalkeeper is refunding money for anybody that was disappointed with their performance at the World Cup. He said, a representative will contact you via email. Please give them your bank account #s and pin information...

   With the "You've Won The Nigerian Lottery" to these "Libido Sex Pill Enhancer" emails I should be leading quite the life.

   R.I.P. Mr. Steinbrenner... I never really "hated" your Yankees, just wish you would have bought the Braves!

   It's a dog-eat-dog world out there...don't get caught wearing 'milk-bone' underwear!

   Just said Hi to a person with an ugly smile. I hope there having a good day???

   if Paul the octopus was so smart, he wouldn't have been captured in the first place.

   the letter after W and the letter before Y...duh?! :)

   Mummy I'm 16, Can I wear a bra? ..... No Justin.

   ...is hoping that Mel Gibson and Lindsay Lohan find each other...

   God please bring 2012 soon I cant take it any more...

   desperatly trying to on who came up with the idea of bright colored play toys for dogs if they are colorblind to begin with.

   Logged into my Orkut account after a long long time...Found 3 dead mice, a broken light bulb, shattered window pane and a few spider webs...

   I don't get the toilet seat issue that women have. I won't put my naked *ss on anything without looking at it first. Apparently some women are not so discriminating...

   What's the difference between light and hard? You can sleep with a light on.

   What's the difference between pink and purple? The grip.

   my ex got run down by a lorry today.i thought "wow,that could have been me!" but I cant drive a lorry!

   thinks instead of asking why your dog eats out of your cat's litter box, maybe you should be asking why your cat is pooping delicious treats!

   Fat girls should not wear tight jeans... just sayin

   I like my women like I like my milk. White and fat free

   Censored Snoop Doggy Dogg songs on the radio sound like two AT&T customers having a conversation on the phone.