Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Shakeweight.......most akward way of working out xD

   IPhone 4 should have just came out on T-Mobile b/c they have one thing in~\..........Hello, Hello...../~common

   Scientists they don't know why this is true, but it's true. Women with big rear ends live longer.. Men who tell them that, Don't."

   Oh didnt I tell you? Must have been none of your f*cking business."

   if Silvia Brown wanted to really impress me, she should send me a note telling me that she knows that I'm not gonna be at her concert.

   If at the end of your life you have no regrets, you did it wrong.

   Attn BP: When this is all over, will the Gulf of Mexico be regular, midgrade or premium?

   I am a kind of paranoid in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.

   I've been embraced by reality... does anyone know how to make it let go?

   I've invented a new low-intensity cardio workout that requires me to lay completely still on the couch.

   says Its funny how sitting "boy girl boy girl" use to be a punishment...

   Dyson has a line of fans to add to their line of vacuums. Dysonnow proudly makes products that sucks and blows.

   Figuring out the three seashells thing is a very messy business...

   Don't call my name, Cilantro!

   Really really really wants to zigazig ha

   Pain is nature's way of saying "Don't do that." - Painkillers are mankind's way of saying "F*ck it ... go ahead"

   This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.

   I think I've watched too many scary movies because every time I go to Chic-fil-a I find they are way too nice. I keep expecting their eyes to roll back in to their head while they are smiling and saying "its my pleasure to serve you."

   I was recently diagnosed with CDO. Its the same thing as OCD its just in alphabetical order, the way it should be!

   learnt a valuable lesson today about not putting "PUSH DOOR" stickers onto glass sliding doors, he would also like to wish a speedy recovery to Jill in HR, although the b*tch really did have it coming...