Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   How come Batman doesn't sleep upside down?

   If an indoor shooting range is burning, what does one scream to inform them?

   Wh I thought that Jet Blue Flight attendant would have been used to bags bouncing off his face.

   The WHO has declared the flu pandemic officially over. It's good news but I'm not sure I trust Roger Daltry.

   wondering what they are saying behind my back

   I think I'm missing a point :| ----->>> ... .....

   statistically, you're twice as likely to be killed by a tipped vending machine than by a shark attack. which makes me wonder why there isn't a "vending machine week"

   WOOP WOOP! *HI-5* to the facebook developers, adding in *BLOCK EVENT INVITES* and not only a *BLOCK APPLICATIONS* section. YEWWW! it's going from SPAMBOOK back to FACEBOOK! to all my friends that are promoters. GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT!!! hahaha SUCKERS!

   wondering if Hootie and the Blowfish had another name in mind in case that was one taken

   I wanna hit the like button then unlike to let you know I =never liked in the first place

   Just because you're old and ugly, doesn't give you the right to be rude.

   Everytime I see that Megan Fox on that tv screen of mine, it sure gets a rise out of me.

   I want a woman not some little girl, that had to grow up in daddy's big world.

   My gift horse is facing the wrong way

   Went to a restaurant... the drinks waiter gave me drinks, the food waiter gave me food. ... then the Head waiter came over....

   Run faster I hear banjos!!!!

   reminds you that anything unrelated to elephants is *ahem*...irrelephant.

   I was just thinking. How many people have been killed in the name of Atheism? Also, how many wars have been started in the name of Atheism? Are there any suicide bombing Atheists out there? Hmm.

   once had his Ex crawling toward him on her hands and knees. The thing is, he was under the bed hiding and she was crawling toward him screaming "Come out and fight like a man!"

   Kama Sutra has finally been published as an audio book. Unfortunatly the audio is provided by Gilbert Gottfried.