Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Let's flip a coin, Heads I get Tail Tails I get Head!

   She's fat, I'm drunk, IT'S ON!

   Revenge is my policy...

   Immigrants are like sperm, millions get in but only one works...

   I don't know what makes you dumb.. but it REALLY works..

   I don't have A.D.D.. you're just boring me.

   50% single...

   4:19 almost there... just one more minute..

   Fat people are hard to kidnap!..

   Grab your balls..... We're going bowling!

   saw Inception earlier....now I am spinning things on my desk to see if maybe I am dreaming.

   What do you mean push #1 for English???

   'Beautiful women make us buy beer, ugly women make us drink beer'

   i am a member of the C.S.I cant stand idiots

   People always mean 50% of what they say when they are joking. "You are 200% idiot!" Don't get angry, I was joking!

   A fireman runs into a classroom holding a screwdriver and yells: "Quick, everyone get out. This is not a drill!"

   The best feeling i've ever had is making someone laugh after crying

   If you love someone, then you have to let them go. If they come back, then they're meant for you, but if they don't, then you stalk them

   A fake smile on your friend's face is more evil than a sword in your enemy's hand.

   In the rest of World When The boy meets the father its a Nice warm Welcome. In the south, The dad comes out with a gun and says boy you better treat my daughter right.(: