Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The fact that music can induce goosebumps, draw a tear, inspire, and connect is one of my favorite parts of being a human.

   "Who's that?" "What are they doing?" "What's happening?" ; "Shut the hell up and watch the movie ffs".

   Thanks to Facebook, I now know what everyone's bathroom looks like 1 mirror at a time.

   Oh a spider. You are tiny. I am a great big person. I am a grown up. I can handle this. You are tiny. I am a great big pe- OMG IT MOVED!!

   "If you focus only on yourself and neglect others, you will lose; but you will gain if you value others as much as you cherish yourself." - Dalai Lama

   Don't you hate it when you have an older family member on Facebook and they comment on EVERYTHING you do.

   The good thing about having a bad memory is that jokes can be funny more than once.

   It's funny how once they see that you're doing better without them, some people decide that they want you back.

   LIKE if you know someone who needs a smack in the face with a shovel.

   Reading someone's status and thinking 'OH CRY ME A RIVER'

   LIKE If you've ever laughed so hard, no noise comes out, so you sit there clapping like a dumbfounded seal.

   LIKE if you text someone a paragraph and then 30 minutes later you get a lame reply saying "LOL".

   Admit it, we've all tried to splash water in our face like the commercials.

   You know you've done a great job when somebody you DON'T know LIKEs your status.

   There's always a little truth behind every "just kidding", a little reason behind every "just wondering", a little knowledge behind every "I don't know", and a little feeling behind every "I don't care".

   Like if you have tried to have S*x with Siri...

   LIKE If your texting speed automatically increases when you're angry.

   Never break four things in life. Trust. Promise. Relation. And Heart. Because when they break they don't make a noise, but hurts a lot.

   In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him

   Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away