Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste…

   Fellaz: Be the man you pretend to be when you're trying to get pu$$y.

   While you were busy judging others you left your closet open and your skeletons fell out.

   Ebonics 101:"Free my Ni**A"= although he did commit a crime that is against the law ..release him from jail because he is my friend

   Bite marks, hickies, and scratches are love notes written in flesh.

   Ebonics 101:where dey do dat at?= what type of establishment allows behavior of that sort?

   Life should be this simple: do whatever makes you happy until you die.

   It's not really such an "Easy-Bake" oven when you're trying to cook a pot roast. This is taking *forever*.

   Have you seen these gas prices?? I just filled up and it doubled the value of my car!!

   When a job interviewer asks, "Where do you see yourself in five years?", it's a test to see if you own a time machine.

   remembers when Cheddar was still a cheese

   If you think I wrote this status update in the nude, you're wrong. I'm wearing a sombrero and a candy necklace. (

   Hey people that make socks..can you make them so they last more then 3 times worn..!

   HEY,,, I remember when they had Child Protective Services when I was a kid... And her name was Grandma... Love you Gram !

   I just ate at the Olive Garden for the first time. It felt just like being in Tuscany,, And by Tuscany,, I mean the break room of a Radio Shack

   There's no place like home. Unless you're a bee, in which case home is a terrible place filled with bees

   HAHA !!,, I just saw a picture of Katy Perry holding a guitar and it looked just like when I make my cat pretend he's typing

   Yesterday, Eugene Polly,, The inventor of the TV remote died.. I'd go to his funeral but it's WAY too far from my couch.

   I was gonna comment something funny on Snooki's pregnancy...but sooo not worth it...

   realizing being gay is such a happier way to live