Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   BOSS: Do you understand? ME: Yeah... BOSS: *Walks away* ME: What did she just say?

   Many people don't know this, but you can quietly be a Christian, Muslim or Athiest.

   I spend 87% of my energy to appear normal.

   Don't let this smile fool you. I'll put it in your ass without asking.

   Rick Ross made a song call "Hold Me Back"....He dont seem to realize how many people that would take

   I'd prefer it if you broke my heart with rough sex.

   Vegetarian is the old Indian word for sucks at hunting.

   What kind of idiot would take a cab from West Philly to Bel Air?

   All you ladies in full support of G@Y rights; Its all fun and games until your man comes out of the closet or you lose your man to another guy.

   Anti-gay breakfast sandwhich.. mmm always taste better when its full of hate!

   I got Mood Poisoning. Must have been something I hate.

   DANG MAAN! People in Cali don't know how to drive! >: o

   Zombie kids are spoiled rotten.

   Saying ''Oh Yeah, I remember!'' when you have no idea what their talking about!

   I've been Nominted for Facebooks New Award, Most Funny/Best Posts in 2012!.......In other news I lost my job, my wife, car, and all contact with the outside World!!!

   Went for a jog tonight and saw a payphone and I was like ''WTF is that!!!''

   Michael Phelps probaby just threw away any of his medals that weren't gold.

   Stopped by the apple store to see if they have a better phone than the Samsung Galaxy S3......ilaughed

   Obama got pulled over today and they asked him for his birth certificate and school transcript

   DOUGLAS unscrambled = USA GOLD