Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I would never make fun of a fat person at the gym. At least they are trying to do something about it and deserve cheers not jeers.

   When a grammar Nazi gets sad and lonely, give them a hug and say, "There, their, they're."

   The trickiest tongue twister in the English is apparently '"Sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick''. Give it a try and see for yourself

   After a one night stand I scream stranger danger repeatedly until they leave.

   Obama has 99 problems but Mitt ain't one.

   Excuse me for the lack of updates lately. I'm really busy growing a mustache.

   Sarcasm is humor with an attitude.

   Kanye West would be proud of the amount of times the two candidates interrupted each other tonight.

   The best curve on a girl is her smile. Lol just kidding, look at dat ass.

   A world where your intellect is measured by 'Followers' and 'Likes'.

   You know how America votes off contestants on Dancing With The Stars....That would be such a great idea on Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

   Heyy I changed my car horn to gun shot sound...People move out the way much faster now ;-))

   Ask Romney to name the ramen flavors since he knows the struggle.

   Millions Head To Internet To Figure Out Their Own Opinions About Debate...

   We met for a reason, either you're a blessing or a lesson.

   Guys will go to another barber and feel guilty... but cheat on their girl and go home like nothin happened

   Does everyone asking questions during the debate have a deviated septum??

   If you can't figure out where you stand with someone, it might be time to stop standing and start walking.

   Obama & Romney focusing on the middle class & refusing to discuss the poor is like Kobe focusing on taking shots & refusing to pass.

   All I wanted to watch on TV tonight was, "the biggest loser." Looks like he's on network!!