Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Action movies don't seem as awesome when you realize all the actors, directors and writers are g ay...

   I tought my niece well, when we were carving our pumpkin I heard her wisper to it "that's what happens to snitches"

   The hardest part of halloween is making those skeletons stay in my closet where they belong

   I don't know much about American sports. But from what I gather the New York Hurricanes are doing well.

   I am forever upgrading WHATSAPP but I never see no godamn difference.

   YAY! It's Tuesday. One day closer to sitting in a half empty bar watching a $hitty cover band butcher tunes I grew tired of 40 years ago.

   People who live in glass houses shouldnt smoke crack!

   Man that wind is really blowing hard out. I seen a chicken lay the same egg three times..

   All I can say is Thank You Sandy for giving me a break from the Election!

   What if Gangnam Style is actually a rain dance and we've brought the frankenstorm down upon ourselves?

   People who live in glass houses must really hate birds.

   I could eat a bowl of Alphabet soup and poop out a better arguement!

   it's ok if you disagree with me, I can't force you to be right.

   Stop undressing me with your eyes...use your teeth

   I get ignored by women so much that they call me "Terms And Conditions".

   If you see a prisoner or a married man asleep, do not wake him perhaps he is dreaming of freedom.

   Why did cave men drag women around by their hair? Cuz if they dragged them by their feet they would feel up with sand.

   New Yorkers could probably bail that water out a lot faster if they weren't limited to using 16 oz cups huh Bloomberg? BABOOM! *drops micc

   strong winds on the east coast....not Hurricane Sandy...its just congress in Washingoton DC blowing air out their mouths

   BREAKING: FEMA and National Weather Service to plug the eye of Hurricane Sandy by dropping Chris Christie into it to save New Jersey.