Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The best thing about Youtube videos is when they have managed to keep the good VHS quality.

   Wow, you're sweet in long distance! Maybe a long distance relationship could work.

   Im convinced that the Galaxy Note 2 is for basketball players

   The hurricane Sandy is Not available in your country ! We are sorry for the inconvenience.

   "Continental Breakfast". What is continental with jam, bread and coffee/tea?

   If you play Justin Bieber backwards you get hidden messages from the devil himself to pull yourself together and listen to something else.

   Another NBA season...and Chris Bosh is still ugly.

   My favorite Disney princess is now Princess Leia.

   I'm happier than a busload of f@t ladies on the way to a Bon Jovi concert.

   I'm so sorry. I didn't see you there. And after all this time no less. I wasn't ignoring you, you simply don't matter that much anymore. Please forgive me, yet my feelings will remain unchanged, Myspace phone app.

   If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate Halloween?

   I`m gonna dress up like Sandy for Halloween, think that costume will blow people away!

   Be safe, New Yorkers. Stay away from large sugary drinks and stuff.

   If he makes you laugh, kisses your forehead, says hes sorry, makes an effort, holds your hand, attempts to understand you. Hes totally cheating on you.

   I'm allowed to punch obnoxious girls since I'm g@y, right?

   If a woman is uncomfortable watching you masturbate, she: A. Has intimacy issues B. Is frigid C. Needs to sit somewhere else on the bus

   I believe she prefers to be called Hurricane Sandra, until she blows you then you may call her Sandy.

   You guys can laugh at my cargo pants all you want, but I just walked out of Taco Bell with 350 sauce packets.

   Maybe I should get married. Its not like I have sex anyway.

   I hope I can kill my feelings before my liver.