Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you're a midget, and you don't dress up as a leprechaun and hand out chocolate gold coins for Halloween, then you're just being selfish!!

   ow you know your neighbor is a redneck when your jack-o-lantern has more teeth then she does.

   If MTV's "Jersey Shore" cast had any class or dignity, they'd give back a few millions to the place that needs it most and made them so famous over the years- Just saying.

   Finally able to check off Bucket list #19 - Surf through New York City

   I'm dressing as a cop for Halloween and telling ladies to "lick it or ticket!!"

   Stalking: When two people go for a long romantic walk together, but only one of them knows about it.

   Disney purchased Lucasfilms, LTD?? I personally can't wait for some of those gems to start coming out. Particularly, Snow White and the Seven Storm Troopers, Swiss Family Skywalker and - my favorite - Song of the Sith...

   It's Halloween B itches! Bring on the booze!!!

   Growing up,,, My daughter always wanted to be a "Disney" princess,,,,, : Darth Vader

   In the movie 2012 the first thing that flooded was New York and now it is 2012 and New York is flooding. Just saying. !!

   Halloween on Humpday......I like where this is going.

   I want my tombstone to read "I have finally cured my addiction to oxygen""

   If you want to remove wrinkles, pimples, face marks & the 7 signs of skin-aging, try 'Adobe Photoshop'!

   I was just told I'm someones BFF. Being the idiot I am, I had to google it. Backup-file Format is a euphemism for something hot right?

   ave you ever thought about this..."How does your stomach know to send the burps to the mouth and the farts to your bum?....

   yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.."

   ‎"Fungry" The State Of Being Hungry.!

   I am not saying I am Batman..but answer me this have you ever seen me and Batman together ?.....

   Don't cry, that onion didn't deserve you anyways.

   When someone says "You just made my day," it makes my day..