Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I bet Flava Flav HATES daylight savings time.

   Time to set the clocks ahead 23 hours.

   I'm turning my clock back to 1978...

   If you were dying of thirst in the desert, I wouldn't let you drink my urine.

   I love spending money as much as my government does.

   apparently my new girlfriends natural hair color is bald...

   New Urban Legand: If you stand in front of a mirror at midnight and scroll so far down your Timeline, you'll end up on MySpace.

   an hour back for daylight savingss ?? well good.... atleast the clock in my car will finally be right again.

   Too sick to get out of bed, the batteries in the remote control died while channel surfing, and now the TV is stuck on a SpongeBob SquarePants marathon. Oh death, where is thy sting?

   Maury needs to lock the Door so those Chicks can't run backstage.. Face it bithc

   I have a gardener that'll do pretty much anything you ask of him. It's like having your own Personal Jesus

   Show me where you were kissed from a rose so I know it's Seal

   I am the type of guy who will not hesitate to tell a midget to grow up!

   I'm the type of guy who would block fire exits. Because sometimes Natural selection needs to be nudged along.

   I love watching all the fish in my tank suck in the same piece of fish shi t and then spitting it out, thinking it was food.

   "Marijuana is a gateway drug." Yeah, a gateway to fun.

   Went on a date and didn't have sex. Now I know what the rest of you feel like.

   No I'm not playing with it. - What I have to tell my wife every time I'm in the shower.

   You call it a train wreck I call her my daughter.

   Let's get married, make babies, argue about money & yell hurtful things at each other while praying for a way out. That's real love baby!