Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Congratulations to all who won in the election and my condolences to all who have lost I wish you all the best in the future. Now please get your damn signs off my street corners. Have a great day. 
I'd SOOO love to get back to reading Facebook updates about e-cards, what people are having for lunch, how they would love to hit the gym but that cookie looks so good, and how much they love their children but they sure are getting on mommy's nerves.
Chick-Fil-A will be flying their pickles at half-staff today.
You know you're getting old when the faster you move... the more you forget!
Have you ever gone skiing ? On weed man ???
So if you packed your lunch with a few weed brownies its all good.
Colorado Rockies will be giving out bongs to the first 15,000 on opening night.
Strangly enough we will need China to finance us in our war against them ! Crazy thing is they will probably do it !
Just look at China over there in the corner just smiling away !
Nice to wake up and know that Big Bird has been saved!!
Way to go Colorado... haha I can see it now. Pot Stamps for those who can't afford to buy their own pot.
my illegal housekeeper and I cancelled each others votes yesterday. Not sure what she said this morning but we high fived and laughed...
what's the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? the taste.
And the winner for the best reader of a teleprompter award goes to...
Romney's now unemployed, like most Dems. Well, except that he's rich...
the Dems prove once again that it takes a lot longer than 18 months to buy votes. You've got the power, use it wisely...
No worries, the Romney/Ryan camp is sending out folders of woman and a pair of magic underwear to all of the disgruntled supporters.
Um, no, Donald Trump, the world is laughing at YOU (and your raccoon-top).
Donald, you don't want to be "that guy" at 83 years old still searching for Obama's birth certificate
I tried killing a loose bat in the garage with an empty paper towel tube. After a few weak whacks,,, we both laughed & shared a fruit roll-up 