Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A Model you say?...More like a photogenic slut...

   I don't like using public restrooms,,,, Mostly because I've seen the public.

   Some mornings it's best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck

   Nothing says regret like the email address you made as a kid

   Life is way too short to have matching socks.

   Black chicks always saying a white girl is "trying to act black." Meanwhile, they have blonde weave and sky blue contacts.

   To me, drink responsibly means don't f?cking spill it

   Girls who say, "a lot of guys are after me", should keep in mind that low prices always attract many customers

   Well, with no shave November, Halo 4 and Black Ops 2 this month, I'm predicting teen pregnancy will be at an all time low

   I hope popcorn appreciates what the microwave did for its career.

   Bored? Send a text message to a random number saying: "Im Pregnant

   Driving down the road and I see a sign that says "Speed Inforced By Aircraft" So I went a little faster....how cool would it be to get pulled over by a plane?

   Million dollar idea; Toilet paper with the Quran printed on it!

   It has been a bad week for Elephants !!

   I'm very, very, very descriptive

   My friend wanted to use my apartment to clone himself,,, I said “Please, make yourself at home”

   I will immediately switch over to the iphone the moment they replace Siri's voice with the voice of Kate Beckinsale.

   I hate when I'm driving and I get lost. I'm at the intersection of Martin Luther King Blvd. and Reverend Al Sharpton Way. No biggie, I'll just get out and ask for directions.

   It is good to be regular people, at least no one will know when you have affair.

   difference between jam and jelly..I cant jelly my D..k into her mouth