Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Elmo is a gay black 52 year old child molester.... Childhood = RUINED.

   So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you've fallen off the face of the earth??

   If a zombie apocalypse ever really happened, I imagine it would look something like the grocery aisles at Walmart around 4pm.

   What did Arnold scwhatzneger and Tiger wood say to the General P? ...... ew still working on a punchline...

   Texas wants to become its own Country. Great we can boost our economy by building a wall around it.

   The only thing worse than a male chauvinistic pig is a woman that won't do as she is told.

   I don't like mornings because that's when old people are the strongest.

   ......Update status, nobody likes?...... -_- (1) Deletes Facebook profile (2) Move to a next country (3) Change name (4) Start new life =)

   I've never gone down on a man, but I'm probably pretty amazing at it from all the times I've stopped soda fizz from overflowing.

   I only like games where the winner gets their stomach pumped at the hospital

   Was it really that much of a surprise? Elmo has been playing with kids while he was naked the whole time.

   In a vicious cycle of abuse...Elmo is just mimicking his childhood abuse when Mr. Noodle forced Elmo to play with his "noodle"

   Too good to work fast food when you were young? Have you noticed that you are a loser now?

   Day 1. I am thankful that I haven't fallen into the trap of Facebook thankful status updates.

   Yes, Yes, YES! Not entirely sure what a "propriate" is, but apparently I'm in it...

   If Elmo is a kid toucher I'd hate to think what goes on down in Oscar's trash can

   Show me on this Elmo doll where the bad man touched you...

   BREAKING NEWS: Geologists locate mountain high enough... Valley low enough still elusive...

   Black ops 2 comes out tomorrow!! \(T^T)/

   Point.. Wink.. Shoot finger gun.. Blow smoke from tip of finger gun.. Wipe prints off finger gun.. Bury finger gun where no one can find it.