Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wear a mouth guard to bed, you probably shouldn't mess with me.

   I'm Thankful you all are neglecting your families to keep me entertained here!

   I'm at my white trashiest when I'm on the front porch with a group of people trying to figure out why the cops are 2 houses down.

   Facebook is not a shower, so keep your clothes on ho!

   This was a really, really big year for me. I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adult table. That's 'cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate.

   Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every day!' 'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'

   'tis the season to get trampled fa la la la la la la la la

   Empty your wine glass, stuff your turkey's. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

   thankful my kids taught me how to Copy and Paste...

   Whether you celebrate Wanksgiving, Yanksgiving, or Spanksgiving be thankful for your hand.

   Happy Thanksgiving ya'll! Don't forget to set your scale forward 45 lbs. ahead

   Today is the American Thanksgiving or as we in Canada like to call it...Thursday. Happy Thanksgiving you funny people...

   “I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.”

   Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today , she shut her eyes and stopped breathing. I thought she was dead , until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby.

   Aren't we supposed to die in a month or was that cancelled?

   Willow Smith is 11 and has a tongue ring, half her head shaved and is bisexual. She needs to go live with her Aunty and Uncle in Bel-Air

   School dress code is so dumb. Your shoulder can't show??? What boy is going to look at a girl and be like "DAMN THAT’S A FINE ASS SHOULDER!"

   it just me, or does Dub step sound like transformers having sex?

   The day Rick Ross decides to crowd-surf, is the day he'll find out who his true fans are

   It's Thanksgiving. Don't forget to set your scale forward 45 lbs. ahead.