Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A lot of people will disappoint you in life. Don't let any of them be you.

   Your bra is the biggest liar I know.

   I found out two interesting things last night: 1. Sometimes bowel movements float. 2. My neighbours have bought a new hot tub.....

   Armageddon's all around us, the Mayans say prepare to fight. So if I gotta die I'm gonna listen to my body tonight. They say two thousand-one-two party over, protect yourself...so tonight I'm gonna party like it's two thousand and twelve.

   Just checking if anyone on the other side of the planet has been blown up yet? Maybe been hit by a flaming meteorite? Mayan zombie hordes roaming the streets? Nope? Just want to know if I have to set my alarm to get up for work tomorrow...cheers

   My generation should be on Survivor!! This will be the 54th "end of the world" we have endured!! The Tribe has spoken....We are badas$$!

   The world is ending tomorrow & we still don't know who let the dogs out, what is love, & Where's Waldo ,or Victoria's secret

   My American friends take a moment to "g00gle" "idlenomore" your Canadian neighbours are starting a revolution one tweet at a time...

   The best part about shopping at Wal-Mart is getting the whole soap/personal care section all to yourself.

   Right now there is a mayan somewhere out there yelling "SIKE"

   It is already December 21, 2012 in Australia and nothing happened.

   If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back, come to me. I'll tell you more.

   Anybody else watch the Miss Universe contest last night???? I still say its riged, I have never seen anyone from another universe in that contest!!!

   Why does paper beat rock? if you hold a paper in front of your face and I throw a rock at it who wins?

   I hate when girls start fights over stupid shi t like whether or not the kid is mine.

   since the world is ending tomorrow you should send pictures of your breasts now before it's too late

   Has someone cleared up what " Live everyday like its your last" actually involved exactly? Need to know today for real lol

   Boss: Why are you drinking wine at your desk? Me: Holiday party! Boss: What holiday party? Me: My point exactly you cheap old fart.

   You look friendly. I'll go sit somewhere else.

   Banning Ke$ha's song is almost as embarrassing as admitting you even play Ke$ha on your radio station!