Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Love fades....bacon is forever!

   He who shoots girlfriend on valentines day deserves an OSCAR award

   All men are Millionaires … at least by sperm count....The funny truth is ... Even these millions are spent on women!!

   Oscar Pistorius will plead not guilty, but I don't think he has a leg to stand on.

   Roses are red, Violets are glorious, Don't try to surprise Oscar Pistorious.

   All those women out there that thought 'I wish my fella was hung like a horse'. The chances are you have had one in your mouth anyway.

   Valentines claims another victim as the blade runner shots gf - twice, just because he couldnt beat last years gift...personally I think he has no leg to stand on!!...

   I booked a nice table for two, then she tells me she doesn't like snooker, wtf?

   Hey Febreze, the broken carnival ship would be a real good test for your commercial

   Valentines Day - nobody shares a dam chocolate in the entired year and now you have to shove a hole box in a day - hypocrecy made chocolate

   Last night I tried talking to the moon pretending it was you. And just like you, it maintained a distance and didn't reply. :(

   Roses are red, your body is fine, I know we just met, but your place or mine?

   The real St. Valentine was beaten, stoned and then beheaded...now that would make one hell of a Hallmark card...

   The best thing about VDay is the reese's peanut butter cups are ALWAYS fresh!

   Roses are red, violets are blue. A bag of weed is cheaper than a dinner for two.

   I love St. Valentine's Day. Not the holiday, the massacre.

   This will be my fourth year in a row being single on Valentine's Day. You guys call it "pathetic". I call it "forward thinking".

   Life is like a box of chocolates. Sometimes you have to stick your finger in a few before you find the one that's right for you.... and try to stay away from the ones that already have teethmarks in them....

   In dog beers, I only had 1

   Million dollar idea: Chocolate Nerds called Urkels.