Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You dumb ass!!! My intelligence is your common sense... Wait! What? 0_o

   Pistorius's lawyer has told , plead guilty as he has not got a leg to stand on . !!

   my clothes are christian...this week in the laundry they gave up some lint for lent

   i'm an animal in the bedroom...a sloth

   The key to my heart is shaped like a bottle opener.

   The best enemy maker on earth: Facebook & Internet!

   I think Congress should be forced to go on minimum wage. That way I can feel more comfortable calling them public servants!

   Watching a cruise ship soaked with sewage tug its vomiting passengers to an Alabama shore, and thinking of you. Happy Valentine's Day.

   BRIAN ESSBE 8 hours ago If Lance Armstrong and Oscar Pistorius have taught us anything, it's don't trust athletes with missing body parts

   it just me or does it look like the Carnival cruise ship is leaving a skid mark across Mobile Bay?

   I'm going to shut off my phone round 9pm just to not get and avoid any desperate last minute chicks

   What did one Party fish say to the another party fish....."This Carnival is stinking up the sea"

   For those girls who aint shaved.......I'm perfecting a new perfume called "Forever Alone".... It smells like Carnival Cruise Line on Fire!

   I assume Cupid saw his shadow this year...

   For those of you who can't be with the one you love because she doesn't understand that you're destined to be together, Happy Restraining Order Day!

   Im designing a New perfume for all the girls who forgot to shave, It's called "Forever Alone"......... It smells like a Cruise ship on fire at sea!

   Happy Valentines day!! Or as I like to call it, Thursday

   Thinks Oscar Pistorius killed his girlfriend because she didn't like him. She was 'lack-toes' intolerant.

   Wife asked me what I wanted for Valentines, I pointed to my head and asked her to read my mind... That was the last thing I remember before I woke up on the floor... She is good!!

   Soon on eBay: For sale, one soiled cruise ship. Will consider any offers