Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Go to the train station and make eye contact with someone as the train pulls away and then chase after it it while yelling "I LOVE YOU!"

   I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, "Hey, that's my stuff!"?

   PMS jokes aren't funny. Period!

   As a mark of respect for Hugo Chavez who died yesterday, I've had his initials carved on my sink and bath taps

   I'll answer my wife's question after watching this movie; wait, where is my family?

   In some countries, DEATH is nature’s way of limiting presidential terms in office. You wanted to be a president for life, and now your wish is granted Mr Chavez.

   "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston S. Churchill (R.I.H Chavez)

   Happy Birthday Girlfrien. I didn't put the D because you'll get that later.

   I can never decide whether "Every Breath You Take" by The Police is incredibly sweet, or incredibly terrifying

   Can someone get Seal Team Six some round trip tickets to North Korea?

   I remember my first crush... It was orange

   Reports are in that Hugo Chjavez has died....hmmmmm ✔ Saddam Hussein ✔ Osama Bin Ladden ✔ Moammar Gadhafi ✔Kim Jong IL ❒Fidel Castro ✔Hugo Chavez - Not good timesr for my Fantasy Dictator League...

   My top fav 10 dictatorship dreamteam are passing away so fast.....

   Where do we cash out these Likes? I need gas money, and by gas money I mean booze.

   I don't know her; it means I don't know if she's more miserable than me or not.

   Hot dog warmers at Citgo seem to be rolling at half-speed tonight, must be in honor of Chavez?

   Hugo Chavez...Say hello to..Adolph Hitler/Vlad III the Impaler/Joseph Stalin/Benito Mussolini/Ivan the Terrible and your friend the.Great Antichrist...The enemy of righteousness the.prince of darkness, pleased to meet you, hope you guessed my name!

   Can we please have a moment of silence for the respect we lost for Hugo Chavez?

   Hugo Chavez...Hey hey my my, the evil dictator finally died..And once you're gone, you can't come back, your so welcome to satan's act!

   it just me or are Dating sites costing more than a date now? I just want to go back to the day of throwing a rock and dragging her off her feet.