Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   you see, one minute is 1:59 the next is 3:00 a.m., ugh!

   yep, they started smoking at the Vatican.

   what time do they drop the ball to set our clocks ahead?

   There’s plenty of fish in the sea, but who wants to date a fish. . .

   I know someone, who knows someone else, who just happens to know someone. . .

   Discovery Channel - Conspiracies and Myths "Finding The Tooth Fairy" is on...... I hope they find her, that biotch still owes me money from when I was 6.

   Dear family, thanks for putting my empty cereal box back in the cabinet. now I can have disappointment for breakfast..

   If chics would wear slut rings instead of mood rings it sure would save a lot of time.

   Daylight Savings Time means I’ll be hungover one hour less than usual this Sunday.

   Well, today I found out that they don't like you to wear roller skates in the mall! Or maybe they were mad cuz I didn't have pants on.....not sure which one.

   This job fair sucks... They don't have one ride...

   Please stop interrupting me while I am ignoring you.

   Screw Daylight Savings Time. Losing an hour on the weekend means we're one hour closer to Monday. Dammit.

   only Washington can call a decrease in the increase a budget cut...

   Well,, If you're gonna be "Polically Correct" about the Pledge of Alliegance... You might as well be 'Geo-Politically correct" and change the Pledge to " One Nation,, under Canada"

   Some things are better left unfed or ignored.

   There’s plenty of fish in the sea.. I just suck at fishing.

   Do not put a party hat on a cat. They are seldom in a party mood.

   if you meet a single hot girl, turn and run like your balls are on fire!!

   You have to kill some brain cells if you want new ones to grow. It's called cognitive pruning.