Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   White smoke emerges from Vatican chimney, indicating either the new pope has been chosen or the chicken fajitas are ready.

   ladies, if you want a man who will stick by you through thick and thin, marry a procrastinator

   I wonder during the election for Pope, did the other cardinals point to the losers and say excitedly "you are NOT the father"

   White smoke!!! Great, now we can all go back to bashing Obama and gun control

   At last a new pedophile, sorry I mean Pope has been elected.

   CBS announced today the Pope will be replaced by Ashton Kutcher.

   I thought smoking at the Vatican was prohibited 0_o clearly a violated rule with the white smoke that's coming out now :-p

   After looking at the faces in the crowds at the Vatican City... The Catholics have now agreed to birth control...

   According to planned parenthood we have a new Pope! Welcome Pope Smear. I personally would have voted for Pope Awheelie..

   Apparently beer contains female hormones. After you drink enough you can neither drive nor shut the hell up lol

   Black smoke rose from my toaster this morning... a new pope tart has been chosen..

   Why in the heck are there stitch marks on zombies? Who's giving them medical attention?

   Here, take my thunder. You don't have to steal it.

   Wife: "When you're watching p orn, do you think of me?" Husband: "When you're eating cake, do you think of dog s hit?"

   I think it's cool the way they let the Cardinals pick the pope and not the Cubs or Yankees

   The key to an unhealthy relationship is being with me.

   UGH! A co-worker is here with kids and I don't want to talk to them, so I'm trying to look busy. This is the hardest I've worked all week!

   Who needs a brain when you fall deeply in love?

   Maybe the black smoke simply means they need a new chimney sweep.

   Yes facebook... I'm sure I want to remove this event.