Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Taylor Swift - 22 going on 14.

   so KimYe are planning to name their baby North, I think South is more fitting though.

   Just saw a woman post in search of "breastfeeding equipment." Weird. I thought she should already be equipped.

   Could someone please call Al Gore and ask him to turn global warming back on?

   The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.

   Listen SNOW, unless your singing "Informer" no one wants to see you right now... First day of spring my ass..

   Heck,,, I can tell which people are really judgmental just by looking at them.

   I hear Katy Perry hired Taylor Swift to write her a break-up song. Adele is producing...

   the first snow of spring is always the most beautiful

   Can't afford a Carnival Cruise? just camp out next to a Port-a-Potty.

   Just lost 50 lbs. Time to put it all back on again.

   You say, "Boys. Always respect a girl that's been single for over a year. Because it means she not co-dependent ."This is not true again; she is actually dependent on her vibrator!!

   I can't afford a Carnival Cruise this year so I'm just going to hang out at a Porta-Potty near the beach.

   Carnival to Rename Cruise Ships 'floating nightmare 1, floating nightmare 2, floating nightmare 3, floating nightmare 4, floating nightmare 5 etc. etc. etc.'

   If your legs open up faster than Google's homepage., you are a wh0re.. :)

   Watching the news... Oh Look its a new report in India... AAaaand Its RAPE!

   My kid is almost old enough for social media, so we'll need to have "the talk" soon. You know, about your/you're and there/their/they're.

   I cut my finger on a beer can last night. Now I know how Julius Caesar felt when he was betrayed by his best friend.

   I'm not saying she's a slut, but she's been banged more than a snooze button on Monday morning.

   Boys. Always respect a girl that's been single for over a year. Because it means she not co-dependent