Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Justin Bieber has given away his pet hamster to a fan. She should probably wash it.

   i just shake my head when I see a joke on the recent that I seen on RECENT months ago

   If being Gay is supposed to be genetic, How do they pass it on to their kids?

   Why are kids obese? Maybe because Burgers are $.99, & Salads are $4.99.

   I should be a garbage collector because I’m apparently really good at picking up trash.

   I had my blind friend over today and I forgot to take out the plunger!! Sorry m8

   My blood type is "Aunt Jemima".

   optimistic people say "nobody is perfect" ......all my haters say "he's nobody"....even my haters think i'm perfect

   I'm up to no good with good intentions.

   What do you call a Mexican who has just lost his car? Carlos

   Behind everyone's favorite song, there is an untold story

   I went for a run but came back home after 5 minutes because I forgot something....... I forgot that I'm fat and can't run for more than 5 minutes

   Like everbody,, I have an angel on one shoulder, and a devil on the other... Also, I'm also deaf in one ear... (sigh)

   "DONE!" - Color blind person solving a Rubik's Cube

   I asked my girl, Can we make a baby? She text back and said, Ok... it's not just for money during tax season right?

   Tim Tebow is fired the same day a NBA player announces he's gay. Cinco de Mayo must be coming up

   If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I'd have to pick…My girlfriend.

   切是食品 means "cutting food" not "everything that moves is food" sheesh.

   If por n has taught me anything it’s that if you’re going to put anything in your mouth, you better spit on it first.

   the new b ush library has one wing dedicated to weapons of mass destruction but no one can seem to find it..