Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Remember to wish your dad a happy Father's Day, as well as thanking him for not wiping you up in a tissue.

   During this very personal moment in thier lives, Kim and Kanye ask that you honor their request for extra publicity...

   Dear God, Happy Father's Day.

   I've been working out so much I'm losing my voice from telling people about it.

   My dear old dad always said he had two big disappointments in life: the dog ran away and I didn't.

   Kim Kardashian has given birth. No news on how big the litter.

   In honor of Father's Day, I came up with a bourbon and cookie diet that is going to make me so rich... And fat... And drunk... Well, at least two of those

   Boy are you my bank statements because you're hilarious

   Happy fathers day to the real dads out there....not you sperm donors

   My suicide note will probably just be my phone left unlocked

   You can not argue with a drunk woman, and you can not argue with a sober woman....Figure that one out guys.

   When God created marriage, man said "cool, steady poon" and God replied "right...the yoke's on you..."

   Thumbs-Up for PS4 and Thumbs-down for XBOX ONE.

   For Father's Day, I just want to wear my Crocs and Ed Hardy shirt and still be loved.

   I'm white, but not go to a yard sale at 7am to get all the "good stuff" white...

   Chill, single moms. You don't see us single dads celebrating mother's day!

   Ladies, if you are not that good an artist on paper, what makes you think you are a good artists on your eyebrows? Stop domestic violence against eyebrows!!

   I love my smile! It's best though when it's reflected back on the faces of others!

   There is a good reason why they call it XBOX ONE; You take ONE look at it and go and buy yourself a PS4!

   Father's Day; the most confusing day in a trailer park where chances are your father might also be your older brother.