Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Everyone has an ugly friend. If you don't have an ugly friend then, well... this is awkward.

   Confucius would have been great at Status Updates......

   Eat right, exercise, die anyway.

   Anthony Weiner to star in new mini-series...Sext and the pity.

   If you love someone, let them go, if it's me, I'm never coming back.

   I don't want to complain that it's too hot in my roof-top, but two Hobbits just threw a ring in here

   Ladies; send brother requests to all the thirsty guys so they wont bother you ever again.

   Harlem shake is just an excuse to go full retard for approximately 30 seconds.

   Hey musicians; There is nothing wrong with doing dumb, desperate sh*t to promote your new album or stay relevant, but dropping good music is a better way to do it.

   Once a girl says your are like a brother to me, then you know you aint never hitting it.

   You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east

   I'm an experienced drunk texter/facebooker. I keep my mouth shut

   Eeyore and Tigger need to trade meds.

   it rude to ask someone to bleach their butthole before you toss their salad?

   The little dance your thumbs do when you aren't sure how to respond to a text.

   How can you NOT be a pervert with a name like Weiner?!?!

   "By leaving your bed, your chances of dying increases by 99%. It's science; " specially when you stalk people.

   I love the phrase "boobie trapped" I mean, who doesn't like to be trapped by boobies????

   Some people should be very grateful I don't have mob connections.

   in China they are reporting that weiner has lost the erection...