Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When you live in Syria and the only way out is going to Iraq...you are in great sh**

   You show me Karl Marx's grave and I'll show you a Communist plot that worked.

   no wonder it took Wentworth Miller 5 yeats to perfect a perfect Prison Break...

   Porter Ridge. For those times when Turtle Man just isn't back-woods enough...

   I think I will stick to my old fashioned pepper shaker... This new pepper spray tastes terrible on my potatoes...

   My dad used to beat me with a camera. I still get flash backs

   Glow in the dark condoms.. Now you see it, now you don't! Now you see it, now you don't! Now you see it, now you don't! ...

   Are we sure that Wentworth Miller really wanted to do a "Prison Break"?

   if the answer was "windows 95", how stupid was the question?

   I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon. I think I'm going to be pretty good at it!

   I learned in Science class that Protons have mass. Wow. I didn't even know they were Catholic.

   The problem with friends with benefits is that the out-of-pocket costs are too high.

   You show me Karl Mark's grave and I'll show you a Communist plot.

   heres an idea...Duck Dynasty Chia Pets

   "I have your test results," said the doctor. "There's no easy way to tell you this; you are cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs."

   I got all dressed for work and then remembered it's Wednesday and I don't have a job.

   My sister is going to a theme park tomorrow. I told her to have fun. Frightening to think what could've happened had I not shared that tip

   I wanted a friend with benefits not a friend on benefits.......

   I have nothing against black folk. One of my best friends thinks he is black.

   Which one of you ladies wants to be my next mistake?