Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   BREAKING NEWS: Ariel Castro confirms that he is a swinger.

   Do Australians refer to the rest of the world as "up-over"?

   Ariel Castro's last words to the guards were "I'm going to go hang out in my cell for a while."

   A TV chef just explained, "it's the heat that starts the cooking process"... Hmmm,, Let me just write that down

   The irony is,, Girl dogs do not even talk about their girl friends behind their backs...

   Ariel Castro may be dead but Casey Anthony is still out there

   I bet Obama takes credit for finally getting Castro.

   Women spend more time thinking about what men think…….. But men do not actually do any thinking……

   I wanna get a tattoo of a grape, that way when I'm old and wrinkly it turns into a raisin. .

   Ariel Castro found dead in cell. Hell is burning a bit brighter today. Its the feel good story of the day...

   I told my girlfriend to get me a newspaper. Dont be silly, she replied. Borrow my iPad. That spider never knew what f$$ing hit it.

   When I was a teenager, a "selfie" meant something totally different than it does today.

   I'd pay to watch certain people burn alive in some mega corporate sponsored stadium event.

   Shout out to the FBI agents watching my Facebook

   when I try to solve a hard crosswword puzzle I try nor to get 2 down

   So I'm reading that "twerking" and "selfie" have been added to the dictionary. "Future" and "optimism" have been removed...

   The media is a weapon of mass destruction....

   *US soldiers wearing Crocs invade Syria* Obama: Well technically I said no boots on the ground.

   I am terrified of women who refer to pets as their "kids" and themselves as "mommy"

   If I'm going to be last on your list, then you can go ahead and just take me off of the list...