Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you think my jokes are bad, you should see my choice in women.

   It's hard to get positive here for Nelson Mandela jokes, I guess you all were born in South Africa!

   RIP Mandela. I watched and loved all your movies.

   What did the firefighter at Paul Walker's crime scene say first " Well Ladies & Gentlemen, Mr. Walker is still one of the hottest guys in Hollywood "

   There are givers and takers in this world... Takers eat better, givers sleep better

   I ''unfriend" you on Facebook when your Birthday Reminder comes up and I realize I don't interact with you ever....

   The Good news is that now Tokyo Drift is only the SECOND worst thing to happen to the F&F Franchise.

   Okay can we only go through one day of Mandela jokes instead of the 3 days of Paul Walker????? Thanks!

   Went to Walmart for some toilet paper but they were wiped out...

   I'm doing laundry for the whole family. (Not my family - I'm at my neighbors. They're going to be very surprised.)

   I gave my wife a couple of credit cards and now my credit score is lower than the speed limit

   My credit score looks like the speed limit!

   Now all my friends are smoking crack and falling in vomit at McDonald's....appears to be an epidemic and spreading fast!

   I like Carrie Underwood better on Sunday night football

   The creator takes those who are strongest...so that those who are left behind have something to live up to. RIP Nelson Mandela

   So in other news...On his last night, Larry King will reminisce about some of his best interviews with people like Michael Jackson, Nelson Mandela, and Moses

   RIP the great #NelsonMandela. Morgan Freeman played you in a film & now you will meet God. Also played by Morgan Freeman.

   For the young folks who don't know who Nelson Mandela is, he was like the Cliff Huxtable to South Africa's Theo.

   Nelson Mandela the only "Black President" that will be missed!

   RIP Justin Bieber. He was just attacked by an ostrich in Louisiana 20 minutes ago.