Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Fart when people hug you.....it makes them feel strong.

   Even as a baby, I was straight. I loved titties then and I love them today.

   You can be gay, you can marry, I don't care about any of that. But just stop it with the "I was born that way" $hit!

   Truthful Tuesday: Deep down,, I don't believe that paper beats rock.

   to all of you Virgins, thanks for nothing.

   To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!

   47% of the country misses Obama's speech due to winter storm. Somehow I don't think he cares.

   The problem with your relationship is, you're in a relationship.

   “The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people, it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government - lest it come to dominate our lives and interests.” - Patrick Henry

   You know she is not that into you and is also a groupie when she forgets your birthday but remember's to write a birthday message on Justin Bieber's pet Facebook page.

   Grim reaper; an executioner; a person who wants your fate, position, grades..

   I spilled ice out of my cup while I was outside and all of a sudden, my state has shutdown.

   In other news the country is headed for a drastic warm spell tonight because of all the hot air pouring from Obamas mouth.

   We can stop Iran from buiding a nuclear bomb by just pointing all our nuclear bombs at them...

   To summarize: Blah blah blah, bad Congress, blah blah blah, bad Congress, blah blah blah...

   Drinking game: Every time he says I or me drink

   For a sec I thought I was watching a Grammys rerun

   Obama is like my girlfriend, always late...

   Am I the only one that cringes when a catheter commercial comes on?

   Remember: Before you were Mommy's little darling you were Daddy's little squirt.