Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   And its absolutely asinine that asinine isn't spelled assanine.

   You know your old when you come close to shaving your nipple off while trying to shave your legs!

   Just woke up and can't go back to bed. I turn on the TV looking to maybe find something to watch. My choices are Baggage, 7 days of Sex, Sex Sent Me to the ER, The Real World:Ex-plosion, and Hannah Montana. Wondering if Miley Cyrus is staring in all of th

   A woman's cleavage tells you the amount and type of attention she needs.

   Chivalry isn't dead, it now just wants the @nal.

   Well I don't want to date anyone that's ugly, but I also don't want to date anyone that's stupid. So I'm single.

   If you're a good enough cook, fat people will let you pet them while they're eating.

   What do you mean there's no attendant in rest area bathrooms? Then who was the guy that held my pen*s while I peed and vigorously shook it?

   Madonna and Johnny Depp seem completely unaware they aren't British

   You could pleasure me just by walking away.

   n't it ironic the idea that homosexuality is unnatural is shared by believers in resurrection, omnipotence and talking burning shrubbery.

   I can't stand it when people don't know the difference between your and you're. There so stupid.

   Keep calm and massively overuse a slogan

   Who wants to get deleted.. send me a game request. . .

   I bet you'll never see a fight break out in marijuana clubs.........

   My wheel mouse just hit 100,000 miles without an oil change. . .

   Some parents are so benevolent that put their lives in danger for their children - again for themselves actually- some other's

   My drug of choice is not a drug at all, it's a plant. . .

   Taking applications for a booty call, private message me, just don't be related. . .

   Cyanide, the one pill prescription cure all. . .