Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You can save alot more than 15% on your car insurance, simply by pulling in to reverse and fleeing the scene.

   Think I'll move to Russia, it will save me shipping and handing on mail order Russian bride. . .

   go to google translate select language German to German and paste this pv zk pv pv zk pv zk kz zk pv pv pv zk pv zk zk pzk pzk pvzkpkzvpvzk kkkkkk bsch select the audio translation....

   I would rather be known in life as a honest sinner than as a lying hypocrite.

   @ 300 X 365 that is 109,500 a year. I am determined to get one million people on my block list. That will take me 10 years. Now hiring. . .

   I'm not ignoring you any more or less than you're ignoring me. . .

   I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.

   Please stop calling me a "cracker." The correct term in "Saltine-American."

   Back in my day, Recess was where they sent us out to a rusty death trap circus,, and now people can't eat gluten.

   Be careful of those who pat you on the back. They might be looking for a soft spot to plant the knife.

   Yes, I'm in a complicated relationship. Trying to decide which hand to use makes things more difficult than you can imagine.

   there is a drug available to cure homosexuality... Cyanide

   Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday

   They are saying that Ukraine might split into two nations...It's gonna be called "2Krainez"....T.R.U. story

   when i'm real stressed i'll scream into a pillow, but I have a memory foam pillow and while I sleep it remembers

   It's either have some chocolate or stab someone. I hope I have change because I have a knife...

   There are some women who simply refuse to be women.

   Yesterday in California a couple walking their dog found $10 million worth of rare coins buried in the ground. It's the biggest stash of coins found since Oprah had her couch cushions cleaned.

   The FDA has approved a new camera that can be swallowed so that doctors can look at the inside of their patients' bodies. So to answer your question: Yes, selfies CAN get worse

   If the homosexuals are here to stay maybe they should all move to UGANDA. Problem solved.