Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   omg black saturday makes me feel so awkward

   If god gived us free will, why does everything, I mean everything we do a sin? He should have just made robots.

   She died doing what she loved! Telling me how to drive.

   Lol religious people are nuts

   I had hoped my facebook page wouldn't lead to stalkers, but some girl named Sallie Mae found my number and has been calling me for months.

   i got distracted by something and missed my ADHD meeting again.

   Jesus IS the son of God and God's not dead. Stop living a self absorbed life holding to the flaeed ever-changing religion of Science. it is time that you understand that you are not the one in control.

   Are you on a date with me or with your phone? Just make sure that phone pays your share of this bill by the end of the night.

   MILEY CYRUS tour officially over:-CNN. *Sighh* CNN thank you for putting it as a headline.

   Jesus was just either a good salesman or a good magician. Stop basing your life on a myth. Learn to face reality and deal with your problems like an adult and stop leaving them in the hands of a non-existent entity.

   I love to laugh but on this day I am remembering the Love and Sacrifice that Jesus did so that we could be saved.Amen !!

   We've all seen that person on Social Media who likes to debate things as if they are a college professor. Dude...you're arguing with someone who uses "dat"

   I read today that when you have sex, you burn as many calories as running five miles. Who the hell runs five miles in two minutes??!!

   My definition of" Armed and Dangerous" is: a pissed off wife with a bottle of wine, and the credit cards.

   important status announcement - bacon sandwiches

   When Chelsea Clinton has her baby, do you think Bill is going to celebrate with a cigar?

   Pro tip: the kids run around a little longer of you forget to hide the eggs

   Twitter is the gym membership of the internet

   Liars are like regular people except I want to hit them with a baseball bat.

   Find someone you're good at.