Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Freedom of Speech means you the right to say whatever you want whenever you want, but it doesn't exempt you from the consequences of free speech. If you can't handle the consequences of freedom of speech, you probably shouldn't be speaking.

   If KFC Owner would pull a Sterling, they would go out of business.

   Don Sterling in trouble for freedom of speech!!!

   Facebook features three types of women: hot, photoshopped hot, and a dog for a profile pic.

   Hawaiian Airlines is now offering new "open seating" in the wheel well section.

   I have a dream that one day Martin Luther King will come back to our world and kick the owner of the Clippers square in the nuts.

   If Hillary is elected President, at least we only have to pay her 300K...

   Yes. Is time travel possible?

   I'm mad, but not as mad as someone asking to see the rules in the middle of a monopoly game.

   I almost sent you a real birthday card but thankfully my Internet connection came back.

   Here's a list of people who have time for that - 1) Nobdy

   I think the book "Charlottes Web" would've been a better book if Charlotte was evil and out to get Wilber. Instead of writing "some pig" she should've wrote "Links or Patties". And yelled "Ill get you pig!" As she crawled away

   Careful...I've already had our entire fight in my head and it doesn't end well for you.

   sometimes as I’m getting off a crowded elevator I like to turn & look at someone who’s staying on and say “you’re in charge while I’m gone.”

   I was holding my girlfriend's hair as she was puking and she farted at the same time. We broke up because I couldn't stop laughing.

   To the people that post 15 pics of your kid everyday,your kid looks EXACTLY the same as they did ystrdy,and the day before,and the day before that

   This status is brought to you by the makers of Fug detergent. If Duz won't do it and Rinso won't rinse it, Fug it.

   Hi. You haven't seen me much lately. I have a new boyfriend. The one from before who I caught with another girl. But I took him back. So there, h8ers!

   I'm thinking about buying an exercise bike, my treadmill works fine for laying my pants on, but it won't accommodate hanging shirts on hangers.

   How psychiatrists can't be a serial killer when they describe them so well?!