Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   31 States, 1618 Languages, 6 Major Religions, 29 National Festivals, 1 Country!! Happy Independence Day INDIA

   This Herbal Essences body spray isn't working like I had hoped.

   "Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life."

   Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up.

   Practising my breast stroke, so if I ever get a girlfriend I dont do it wrong...

   Poodles are just dogs that listened to too much Kenny G.

   Tony Stewart just announced he has Parkinson's Disease too.

   if you sneeze near an atheist they just ignore you because they know its just a natural phenomenon.

   Robin Williams dies and suddenly Facebook is full of people with medical & psychology degrees

   Marraige is a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child which cannot be handled by his parents anymore...

   In case if emergency, your seat cushion may be used to choke that annoying crying baby closest to you.

   Sorry I ran you over,, but on a positive note, I get 50 extra points if I'm not mistaken, and that gets me another free guy... So there's that

   Checked myself for ticks but I didn't hear anything.

   "Frosted Flakes is a part of this complete breakfast,,, which is also complete if you remove the Frosted Flakes."

   If he doesn't with the Super Bowl this year with the Jets. Rex Ryan asked Bill Belichick to sell him one of his Super Bowl rings. . .

   If you're so damn smart, why aren't you rich?

   I'm no race car driver, but I haven't killed anyone this week. Yet...

   anyone else having technical problems on Facebook? Just checking before I call 911...

   Oh no, you're not going to try and cheer me up, are you?

   Breasts are like a model train set. They were originally meant for children, but fathers always want to play with them.