Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   4 years ago I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times

   Cannot wait for this new Magic Mike movie -Said no man ever

   If you want to be remembered after you die, borrow money from everyone you know.

   Hoes wanting to see 50 Shades Of Grey over the SpongeBob movie is what is wrong with this world.

   Charles Manson was going to get married. He's 80 years old, and serving a life sentence in prison. Well, the marriage is off. And today I saw that his profile was back on eHarmony

   Big bulletin from Phoenix: Katy Perry's robotic tiger is loose in downtown Phoenix.

   Why can't effing niqqers resolve issues without always beating the $hit out of someone??

   I always give girls a lollipop on the first date as an ice breaker and so I know what I can expect

   Really, Google Autdetect? What makes you think I want to search for a hardcore poem?

   I just got a snack, and the animals did not hear it... I might be a ninja!

   The Ku Klux Klan. Worth joining just to find out the name of the laundry powder they use.

   What's next TLC...a little person that's a 600 pound tattooed Gypsy Polygamist woman wearing the wrong clothes with a family of 63 kids risking it all to return to the Amish hording ex husband and 6 ex wives to eat cakes like a boss and buy houses naked

   I hope the fact that I'm white and married doesn't hurt my chances on blackpeoplemeet.com.

   Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.

   So ummmm I wonder if Bruce Jenner will get a discount from the Kardashian make up and hair line

   Just tried to pay for my McDonalds with a hug, it didn't work. Don't believe the Rumors.

   Talk about keeping up with the Kardashians, Bruce is growing breasts. . .

   "Stupid Left Shark takes one misstep during a Super Bowl and now he is famous " - Right Shark(-_-)

   Every coach I know took 10 years to graduate from college so no, I'm not surprised by the bonehead play call.

   Super Bowl....wtf is that? I only speak soccer and champions league