Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   My retirement strategy is just me pretending to get sick and starting a gofundme account.

   Welcome to planet earth where when you see something unusual/abnormal/weird or out of the ordinary and point it out and suddenly you are labelled a hater and accused of being judgmental. SMH

   I've never liked FIFA either. They take way too much out of my paycheck.

   Caitlyn Jenner on the cover of Vanity Fair??? I haven't seen that much photoshop since a Lord of the Rings movie.

   "Thank you Caitlin!" --Josh Duggar

   I like that Linkin Park song where the guy suddenly screams.

   I found your suicide note and corrected some grammatical errors. You're good to go.

   Someone in my state is wearing Axe Body Spray... ugh, I can smell it from here

   Bruce Jenner went from paying $20 to get into the club to getting in for free.

   Look,,, all I'm saying is I've never seen Bruce Jenner and Caitlyn Jenner in the same room.

   Ladies, if Josh Duggar says he "loves you like a sister"... RUN!!

   I bet Kim, Khloe and Kourtney are pretty angry with Caitlyn for hogging all the attention.

   After seeing Caitlyn photos, I'm starting to doubt if Lady Gaga is a drag queen.

   Bruce Jenner can transition into whatever he/she wants to. All I ask is that his stepdaughters are transitioned into the bird $hi+ on my windshield, because I just got a fresh gallon of washer fluid.

   A woman can only run as fast as her boobs let her!

   Just ordered my poster from Vanity Fair of Bruce Jenner to replace my Farrah Fawcett poster

   I hated grade one because my teacher could never remember my name. What made it worse was that I was home schooled!

   Rumors are swirling that Bruce Jenner is in talks with Britney Spears to do a duet of the song I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman

   Anyone know how many calories you burn an hour scrolling on Facebook?

   If I owned a book store, I'd rename the Romance section "Fantasy", because common ladies....