Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The hardest part of any relationship is when it's not your turn to talk.

   don't let her cry her way outta the argument. she's an adult. you can yell at her through the tears. be strong, bro.

   Spoiler for the new Peanuts movie: Peppermint Patty finally comes out of the closet and we learn why Marcie has been calling her "Sir" all these years.

   Did someone wake up Ronda, I'm sure she had things to do today.

   Before Facebook, I used to write this stuff on slips of paper and put them in the pockets of unsold pants at Old Navy.

   We prayed for France and Lebanon now let's take a moment of silence and Pray for Ronda Rousey 🙏🏼🙏🏼

   No one knows you better than your browser.

   Don't roll your eyes at me. We aren't married yet.

   Not all men cheat. Some of you women just assume you’re in a relationship with the guy.

   BEER BATTERED FISH: Still don't understand how beating it with a can of beer makes it taste any better.

   Im starting to get alarmed at the rate which Facebook keeps bringing up things from my past

   Officer that's a medicinal hooker I swear !

   Drop Dead Gorgeous females... Just because we want to hang out with you, doesn't mean we wanna bang you. It just means we're looking to expand our small circle of friends, and you seem like you would be a worthy candidate. No need to be stuck up.

   'If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

      In honor of it being Friday the 13th, whenever I hear a strange noise, I'm going to investigate it braless, and wearing cute panties.

   a good woman will always forgive you when she's wrong

   "Update the force, Luke"....... *Adobe Wan Kenobi

   Vaping is becoming so popular, I heard Jihadi Johny gave it a try today.. and I'll bet it works so good for him that he'll never smoke another cigarette..

   The best way to deal with dumb people is to never leave your house sober

   White Privilege is how Willy Nelson got his assets seized for owing $15 million and Al Sharpton visits the White House while owing $19 MIllion... OH WAIT!