Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dramas are for women. Rationnals are for men.

   Compliments are for women. Accusations are for men.

   Why the hell don’t liquor stores have Black Friday sales?

   The best part of hooking up with a MILF is leaving in the morning with a juice box and fruit rollups.

   Because only in America, people trample others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have

   : I am thankful that they finally discovered that the Tortoise was using Performance Enhacing Drugs in the race with the Hare.

   USA: where you can go to the grocery store with a loaded gun, but where refugees fleeing war are scary for your safety you can shoot them.

   90% of the refugees are young men, not women and kids.

   2 days ago: ''We must help solve poverty here first and foremost!'' Today: ''All right! Black Friday is coming!''. Morons

   Some of you should be required to raise your hand before you post to facebook.

   Hey I just met you and this is crazy. Here's my number, I'm very lazy. Your dog resembles Patrick Swayze. Do you like daffodils? I'm craaazy

   Black Friday challenge: Buy American and buy small business. Otherwise you're complaining for nothing about big business.

   >>> Upset many will leave the home to go to a retail store where they can fight with complete strangers over unneeded and useless crap that our spoiled lives really didn't need in the first place.

   THANKSGIVING DAY = A day when you sit uncomfortably between two people on a long flight so you can sit uncomfortably between two people and eat a meal while people say negative things about each other and start a fight. >>>

   Jerod has been sentenced to 15 years of all the footlongs that we wants

   The suicide bomber was an outgoing person? More like an inside-out going person.

   I JUST HEARD THERE IS A COUGAR ON THE LOOSE IN TOWN. I just baited a trap with a Best of air supply cd and a bottle of wine.. I'll catch her

   There's way too much religion in the South to be consistent with good mental health.~ George Carlin

   You are a soul driving a meat-covered-skeleton made of stardust hurtling through space on an organic spaceship. Fear nothing.

   Any female singer not named Adele shouldn't spend a lot of time writing her Grammy acceptance speech...