Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Spoiler alert: Han Solo DIES

   I ' this close to trade 24 hours without hearing about Star Wars for 24 hours of Adele's ''Hello'' in loop on radio.

   Han Solo is killed by his son, Kylo Ren. Luke doesn't say anything and has 30 seconds of screentime. Kylo Ren survives the explosion at the end, leaving it set up for him to be the villain in the next movie.

   For everyone doing your Facebook "year in review..." No one gives a fu@k

   Hillary Clinton could sacrifice a newborn baby on live tv and her supporters would say it was taken out of context

   have my Siri set up as a British Male voice so I can pretend I'm Nightrider or make people think I have a Butler .

   I have my Siri set up as a British Male voice so I can pretend I'm Nightrider or make people think I have a Buttler .

   Only men with beards can truly understand How much a cat or dog loves to have their chin scratched

   Facebook: Where others entertain you with their boredom.

   Nuke the Chinese! ...I mean microwave the take out

   What if Donald Trumps Batman?

   I jioned weight watchers last month , so far o lost 38 dollars................

   Haven't kids learned how fast a picture can travel around the internet by now?

   Being in the doghouse isn't so bad if there's enough beer in the bowl.

   Could you imagine knowing someone interesting enough to actually want to talk on the phone? Me neither.

   If you live in a trailer, you know a guy.

   I have no idea when the new Star Wars movie comes out because I have sex.

   Just heard someone on the porch, hopefully this is just a home invasion and not some unexpected company

   I remember a happier time… Like when I was still sleeping.

   Look, all I'm saying is that the dinosaurs didn't drink alcohol and look what happened to them.