Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The Patriots have been Decheated by Denver.

   I find it ironic that Tom Brady looked so deflated after the loss to the Broncos.

   I guess properly inflated balls really do make a difference. Who knew?

   Will Smith should win an Academy Award for acting like Hollywood's held him back.

   I don't know why it's necessary to get a glass dirty when wine tastes perfectly fine straight out of the bottle.

   FACT: I prefer Dairy Queen Blizzards to Jonas blizzards.

   Donald Trump insinuated that his election game is so “Trump tight”, that his supporters would let him get away with murder so that he could become the next President of the United States.

   Can't believe a human being actually chooses to support Donald Trump. Leave that to animals.

   still can't believe there are Obama supporters out there.

   Snowstorm so white Jada Pinkett-Smith is boycotting it.

   If you are thinking about getting married but are unsure, ask yourself "What would Jesus do?" Then remember that Jesus was never married.

   Am I the only one who gets disappointed pulling up next to a Kia Soul and there isn't a hamster driving it. . .

   The hardest thing I've ever done is uninstall Dota 2!

   While drunk me would love to grab your butt...sober me would probably agree

   Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn't have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.

   It was so cold today, I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pocket.

   Was visiting New York and asked someone, "How do I get to Carnegie hall?" The said, "Practice man, practice."

   These aren't wrinkles on my face, they're road maps

   I'm so broke, I owe myself two bucks

   The American bald eagle is no longer America's National Bird...it is now Obama's middle finger