Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Maybe broccoli doesn't like you either....

   Facebook is a lot like ancient Egypt, people write on walls and worship cats.

   Whitesplaining: To paternalistically lecture people of color as to what is and isn't racism which ironically reveals racism.

   Holy Crap ..... I just found a Pokemon in my Toilet!!!

   I must have an amazing Butt because every time I walk away from someone they say ... "What an ass."

   If I were of Chinese descend and a multi Millionaire. I would change my name to Cha Ching. . .

   This is a shout out, to those of you on the toilet right now reading this... Have a good dump. Seriously.

   FYI,,, I never really know when to stop peeling cabbage.

   Well tonight's date night for me and the wife I certainly hope we don't run into each other

   Pokemon Go mesmerizing people into going outside is like the plot to a Steven King novel.

   FB Live? The whole point of Facebook was that we wouldn't have to see anyone live.

   Bernie Sanders' campaign has had more endings than The Lord Of The Rings.

   If you have to go to a body of water to catch a water Pokemon, you should have to run into a burning building to catch a fire Pokemon.

   I wanted a candy bar but instead I did the right thing and ate an apple, with some walnuts and caramel topping.

   Romantic comedies have ruined women's expectations. Every time I go on a first date she thinks my best friend is LeBron James.

   Find out your porn name by moving to LA with aim to become an actor.

   This is not how to one chooses the most important person of the country. With a knot in the throat that wouldn't go down. It's always a fight to chose the lesser evil. Why can't it be the other way

   I just ran over a Pikachu and a Primeape with my car. Now I think Officer Jenny is after me.

   I'm beginning to think Donald Trump is considering gathering all of his Vice Presidential candidates together in a secret place and have them fight to the death to prove their loyalty?

   In order to help her inner city supporters Hillary is urging President Obama to sign an executive order replacing the word "Looting" with the words "Undocumented Shopping."