Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   They say money talks. Mine just waves goodbye.

   When your advertisement interrupts my video, it makes me really hate your product.

   I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

   Today I sent out a text saying, "Hey, I lost my phone. Will you call it?" 12 people called me... I need smarter friends.

   your body is made up of 70% water, Not coke

   A bill collector called and said, "Your bill is now a year old". I said, "Tell it happy birthday" and hung up.

   I'm kind of regretting my "Myspace Rules!" tattoo on my calf.

   Advice: Date a woman with outstanding warrants. That way, she can't call the police on you. Follow me for more relationship advice.

   Did you hear about the duck who walked into a convenience store to buy some chap stick and cashier asked cash or charge? And duck said just put it on my bill.

   According to the squirrel riding a unicycle in my kitchen, I'm a little high!