Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Don't forget to change your clocks on Sunday. And while you're at it, make those changes for the better in your life that you've been putting off.

   Can we go one day without hearing about the Vikings drama! Moss, Favre, Childress, Harvin, etc.... Fire Childress and get it over with Ziggy! He sucks as a coach anyway.

   "Just Gonna Stand There And Watch Me Burn, Well That's Alright Because I Like The Way It Hurts" - Joan of Arc

   I have discovered that there are two sides to every argument. First and foremost, there is my side, and then there is the side that no reasonably intelligent, informed, sane, and self-respecting person could possibly hold.

   Trust me when I say its better to walk in on both of your parents making love than just one of them !

   I can rise, and I can shine... I just can't do both at the same time.

   lesson of the day ; never sneeze while you pee

   They say the universe is expanding...shouldn't that ease up the traffic?

   Sometimes you gotta have a Jimmy Carter before you can have a Ronald Reagan.

   Immediately updating your relationship status on Facebook after a fight for the 10th time this week is annoying, cut it out.

   I say "haha" or "lol" in almost every single text message I write.

   I can hear the Pink Panther theme song playing inside my head. I may or may not be getting into all kinds of mischief this afternoon.

   Someone from Facebook Design should write about why they made the news feed font smaller. I just want to understand why.

   It's true we don't know what we've got until its gone, but we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

   I never quite know exactly what I'm talking about.

   Hey websites, I will always "skip intro", so knock it off.

   The world is at peace when you're eating a burrito.

   I'm wearing that smile you gave me.

   I want to break down your wall so I can build another one around us.

   Facebook employee got fired....Why? He was on Facebook every day at work.