Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The Republicans have announced they intend to make it more difficult to claim benefits. Starting next week the forms will only be printed in English.

   its not Christmas time yet and Starbucks is holiday happy. We still have to get though thanksgiving people.

   OK Santa I guess your going to celebrate thanksgiving also

   "A Deficit... really? ... What do you mean we're overdrawn? .. can't be... I have checks left" -- President O'Bama

   there's nothing like watching a commerical of people making out with a McRib sandwich......kinda turns m on

   reminds parents of children under 3 years to refer to their kid's age in years, not months. It's a child, not cheese.

   We may be falling behind China in some ways, but our underground drug tunnels are second to none. USA!!

   So we just spent $4 billion on an election about "too much spending?"

   I made a promise to myself years ago. that as I begin to age considerably...I will keep with me some semblance of fashion. Never when wearing shorts, will I sport black socks and dress shoes..I will try to keep my trousers up to a reasonable height...wh

   When life leaves you speechless, music provides the lyrics to help you find the meaning...

   What's LOVE? In math: A problem... In history: A war... In chemistry: A reaction... In art: A heart...In me: You...

   hears there may not be any football in 2011, and would like to thank the Dallas Cowboys for preparing us with no football in 2010.

   My girlfriend is currently trying to understand my desire to unicycle. She accepted my ukulele playing, but this is apparently too far!

   The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

   A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

   Honk if you love peace and quiet.

   Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

   You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

   Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

   It is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial costs and blame it on the higher cost of living.